The Hard Road of Learning to Forgive

Derek never saw it coming. His closest friend, the one he did business with for over a decade, blindsided him, not just with betrayal, but with lies, debt, and damage he couldn’t undo. He lost clients. Reputation. Money. But what hurt most was the silence. No apology. No explanation. Just abandonment.

The betrayal took seconds. The bitterness lasted years.

For the first year, Derek told himself he was fine. “I’ll move on,” he said. But he didn’t. The bitterness followed him like a shadow. Every time he saw his friend’s name, every time someone asked what happened, it surged up again, the anger, the shame, the ache.

He stayed in church. Kept reading Scripture. Even led a men’s study. But part of his heart was barricaded. He avoided Colossians 3:13. He avoided any verse that dared speak the word “forgive.” It was too clean. Too neat. It didn’t match the mess he carried inside.

Then one night, sitting in his truck after a late shift, he finally said it out loud: “God, I don’t want to forgive him.” His voice cracked. “I want to hate him. I want him to pay.” And in the quiet that followed, something unexpected stirred, not condemnation, but compassion.

He sensed the Lord whisper, “Forgiveness isn’t approval. It’s release.” That moment broke something open. Derek didn’t suddenly feel better. But he realized he’d been chained to a man who had already moved on. Forgiveness was the key, not for justice, but for freedom.

It wasn’t approval. It was release.

So he started the slow work. Praying for strength. Speaking the man’s name without venom. Writing out what he wished he could say, then tearing it up. At first, it felt fake. Forced. But over time, his heart softened. His breath slowed. The bitterness lost its grip.

One Sunday, the pastor read “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” And this time, Derek didn’t flinch. He closed his eyes and whispered, “You’ve forgiven me for so much. Help me finish what You started.”

He never got the apology. Never got the money back. But he got something better: peace. The kind that doesn’t depend on resolution. The kind that comes when you finally stop nursing the wound and start letting the Healer touch it.

Now, when other men talk about betrayal, Derek listens closely. Then he tells them the truth: “Forgiveness isn’t easy. But it’s freedom. And freedom is worth fighting for. Even when it starts with just learning to forgive.”

What makes forgiveness hardest for you?

• They never apologized
• The pain still feels fresh
• I’m afraid forgiving means forgetting
• I don’t know where to start